achieving goals

How to Set Goals, Stick to them and Achieve Them!

Do you set goals with excitement and gung-ho attitude that you are going to “crush” your goals, have fantastic energy and momentum at the start, make some great progress, but maybe a few weeks later, you find yourself slowing down, or perhaps even feeling unmotivated?

Why does this happen and more importantly, how can you make sure to see your goals through?

To understand how our brain works, picture an iceberg which will be representative of our brain. The tip of the iceberg that is visible symbolizes our conscious brain, which is only about 10% of our brain. This part of our brain stores both conscious and unconscious core beliefs. Core beliefs are the files we have that open up and have us react to situations in a certain way because of what we believe, which are formed unconsciously in childhood. These beliefs can serve us or not serve us today. The rest of the iceberg, which is 90%, is our unconscious brain, stores unconscious beliefs.

iceberg.jpg

We consciously set goals, or another word for this is setting INTENTIONS. So for example, when it comes to weight loss, you may set an intention to lose 20 pounds to improve your health. Let’s say you manage to stay on track to lose 10 pounds over the next eight weeks. Then the next couple weeks, you find yourself starting to eat more foods that do not serve your goals, you are exercising less often and you find yourself giving into your excuses. You even gain back four pounds.

What’s happening? Why are you getting off track from your intention?

Because somewhere in your unconscious part of your brain, you have limiting unconscious beliefs that are sabotaging your efforts. It may sound like, “I am not worthy of my desires”, “It is not safe to be in this body” (usually comes up in cases where a person has been abused as a child), “I do not deserve success”. Again these messages were created unconsciously as a young child (usually) based on our family system, and experiences with peers, teachers, and other influential people in our lives.

So even though you consciously are telling yourself, “Yes I REALLY do want to lose 20 pounds”, there is somewhere inside, unconsciously that does not agree with this. It’s based on fear.

So then, how can you make sure to see your goals through? Here is a blue print for you:

  • Write down your intentions/goals specifically. Track your progress. Remember, results are a reflection of what is happening in the unconscious brain. When you achieve results, your conscious and unconscious beliefs are in alignment. When you only make it up to a certain progress, then your conscious and unconscious minds are not matching.
  • If you notice you are plateauing, sabotaging, or regressing in your goals, take some time to write down honestly what is going on.

So in the example above, it’s acknowledging what is going on regarding behaviors. Writing down statements such as: “I am choosing to eat when I am bored, stressed or to reward myself.” “I am choosing to get distracted by unimportant things rather than work out.” Note the language that you are choosing to do these behaviors.

  • This next step can be a difficult one because you are addressing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings as you dig deeper into your unconscious:

Perhaps you do not feel safe in your body because of past experiences such as being bullied and teased for your body size; your body betrayed you someway with an illness, or you were sexually abused so you cannot trust that your body keeps you safe, because it did not.

Many times, what I see is that as my clients are losing weight, they are getting more attention. This makes them uncomfortable in their body, because of their past experiences. This is a good step to connect with a trained professional such as a coach or therapist to support you in this step to work through these unconscious core beliefs. We are wounded in relationships, so it only makes sense to be healed in relationships (starting with that of a trained professional).

  • Address how you will work through these limiting beliefs. A good start is to create a statement called an affirmation, that is the opposite of your limiting belief. So following the above example:

“ I am safe in this body now”. Repeat this statement consciously multiple times a day, especially when you are feeling triggered in feeling uncomfortable. In many ways, you are re-parenting your inner child.

You can also create concrete examples of how to cope with stress, boredom and rewards without turning to food. This is all about changing your self-talk and behaviors to support your new positive self-talk.

  • Get support. Once again, a mindset coach and/or a like-minded group can be extremely helpful to keep your accountability. Research shows that in the absence of the right support, unfortunately, environment always wins. So it’s important to surround yourself with like-minded, positive people who can cheer-lead and believe in you.

I hope this article helps you create breakthroughs to crush those goals this year! I’d love to support you if that resonates with you!

Rosalyn Fung, M.Sc., is Founder of Holistic Body Love Coaching Inc.,

a Self-Loveroz6 Transformational Coach & Registered Psychologist.

She loves inspiring others to be empowered in their relationship with food, body, money, health, confidence, and living a joyful and abundant life.

To schedule your COMPLIMENTARY strategy session to see how she can support you in achieving your goals, book here.

dealing with setbacks

From Setback to Comeback: Here’s How to Do It!

Why Setbacks Hurt

dealing with a setback

1. The ideal didn’t materialize

When we embark on a new undertaking, we visualize the ideal outcome. These expectations often turn out to be misplaced. People we deal with are unpredictable, or we may not be as disciplined as we thought we were when we started. This disillusionment can be really discouraging. In one way or the other, every time you have a setback you say this to yourself: “My life isn’t what I’d hoped it would be, and that sucks!”

2. Self-doubt creeps in

Even the most confident of people experience self-doubt after a setback. We are not machines, we wonder if the path we are following is worth all the effort. You wonder if life would be easier if you just quit.

3. Helplessness becomes you

The worst part of any setback is the helplessness you feel. You want to have things under control. Having everything fit nice and tidy in your life gives you confidence. Having setbacks takes that away from you.

4. Self-pity is crushing you

Right now, when you are disappointed, self-pity is your worst enemy. The weird thing about self-pity is that it is masochist in nature. You are actually, proactively, engaging in something that make you feel bad.

In other words, don’t expect to always be great. Disappointments, failures and setbacks are a normal part of the lifecycle of a unit or a company and what the leader has to do is constantly be up and say ‘we have a problem, let’s go and get it’.  – Colin Powell

Here’s How to Come Back Stronger from Setbacks

how to be stronger

1. Avoid ‘the shock’ by staying ahead of the game

Gilbert Brim once said: “sometimes we don’t know we are losing until the very end.” I love the Dutch culture where they tell it to you as it is, straightforward, no beating around the bush. Having lived in three different continents, I can confidently say that not many cultures share this characteristic. That is why there is a reluctance to deliver bad news.

I admire the courageous person who comes up to me and tells me frankly that my ship is about to sink. If you do not have that kind of people around you (and even if you do), try evaluating the situation yourself. If all of a sudden you are not being invited to the meeting, your partner is hiding information from you, or your best friend is avoiding you; you need to know – as Donald Trump put it- “what the hell is going on!”. In doing so, you can stay ahead of the situation that is about to explode in your face and avoid the shock. It’s the punches that we don’t see coming that knock us out!

2. Don’t be too hard on yourself

You have probably seen the image below before. Take a minute and really have a look at it again. Forget everything else. You have everything it takes to do what these people did: mount an insane comeback. The best part is that you already know that.

failures

3. Don’t blame, just learn

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.  – Henry Ford

Take responsibility for your part of the failure but do not go overboard by blaming yourself. Life is unfair, perhaps someone treated you unfairly. Get over it so that it does not consume you. If you stay positive, you do not lose in life; you just learn and get stronger.

(a)  Be open to feed back

There is nothing more powerful in your step forward towards learning and recovering than good feedback.  Getting feedback from people directly involved in the situation will help you asses and analyse what went wrong and how to avoid the same in the future.

(b)  Learn about your alternatives

Many a time we condition ourselves into believing that our set of skills and experience confine us to do certain jobs and that’s it. We fail to see the enormous opportunities that are out there that may have nothing to do with the way we define ourselves. If you find something you love, you should go for it. At times of crises when you have nothing to lose, having a go is so uplifting.

(c)   Learn new skills

Become better than yesterday when the setback happened. Learning a new skill not only enhances who you are, but it also builds your confidence back by giving you a sense of achievement.

The skills you acquire can always be effectively redeployed. You will look back on setbacks and be grateful for the catalyst that came not a moment too soon. – Tom Freston

4. Don’t be in a rush to bounce back

One of the greatest misconceptions today is that strong people bounce back from setbacks instantaneously. Now it’s true that you should not dwell over spilt milk but it does not mean you should rush things. There is a difference between a quick recovery and a hurried recovery process. Enjoy the many blessings in life while you plan your next move. Trust me, you are better off than jumping straight back into a vicious circle.

5. Redefine what makes you happy

If you really sit down and count how many wonderful things are in your life, you realize that you do not actually need to get everything you set out for. I am by no means saying that you should not be disappointed when you don’t succeed in your endeavour. Of course you should. You put your blood, sweat, and tears into it. But remember, happiness has nothing to do with winning or losing. Look around you and be thankful of what you have already. This will make you even stronger on your way back to recovery. Find gratitude in the present moment because as someone once said “life is what‘s happening to you while you are busy making other plans”.

Final Note

We all hit that bump in the road sometimes. Hell, sometimes the setback feels more like a brick wall. Make your recovery a fantastic journey by following the advice mentioned in this article. Do not spin out of control; do not despair! Grab a hold of that wheel and steer yourself straight!


Source:

Brainy Quote Setbacks
Coming Back From a Setback
Developing Resilience: How to Bounce Back From Setbacks
5 Tips to Overcome a Major Setback
7 Ways to Bounce Back from Life’s Inevitable Setbacks
How to Deal with Setbacks
Tennis lessons for life

4 Lessons from Tennis That Successful People Use and Why You Should Too for Achieveing Your Goals

1- Keep your eye on the ball

keep your eye on the ballA key component of a winning strategy in tennis is keeping your eye on the ball. No matter what an opponent does, a player is in control of the game as long as she keeps her eye on the ball.

“I’ve watched and played countless hours of tennis and whether it is Wimbledon or the Australian Open or the local court, I’ve never once seen a player win a match by looking at the scoreboard. Champions keep their eye firmly focused on the ball and let the scoreboard take care of itself.”

Catherine DeVrye, 2x  Australian Keynote Speaker of the Year

As you try to lose weight, get fitter, become healthier, or change your lifestyle, it is sometimes hard to focus on the core activities that can get you there successfully. There is a difference between focussing on your core activities and just fulfilling them. Most get caught up in the running of the day-to-day life that it can get hard to give the personal touch to what you really should be doing to achieve your goals.

In a world full of temptation, how will you get ahead of the curve and reach your destination if you do not keep your eye on the ball and give your utmost to getting what you want?

Some of the most succesful people in the world are unfairly dubbed ‘stubborn’. But they are not, they just know what they want to achieve and anything that distracts them from their goal is left out of their lives. This means that sometimes they go against the advice of loved ones, stop trying to please everyone, and keep their eyes firmly focused on what they set out to attain. That is all that matters to them. Continue reading

embarking on a new adventure

10 Tips for Embarking on a New Adventure

Are you thinking of something new but not sure where to begin? Have you had a dream to visit a new place, go back to school,  try a new career, take up a new hobby, live a more healthy lifestyle or experience an exciting new adventure? What is stopping you?

Image courtesy of digitalart at freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of digitalart at freedigitalphotos.net

When I was growing up in Kenya, I had no idea that I would one day end up in a winter wonderland known as Canada. I was 20 years old and one sunny August afternoon, I waved goodbye to my family in Nairobi and embarked on a new adventure as an international student. After a layover in Dubai, London and New Jersey, and one missed flight later, I arrived in a surprisingly humid Montréal in the middle of the night, wondering what had possessed me to leave the comfort of my home and family for this strange new place. It wasn’t long before I had my first experience of snow, frolicking in the soft snowflakes like a bedazzled child.

Despite the challenges of transitioning to a new culture, I feel enriched by my experiences and have learned to be more open-minded to new situations. The more I allowed myself to get out of my comfort zone, the bolder I felt to try more and more new things. After a stimulating research career in the pharmaceutical industry, I am finally pursuing my dream of becoming a physician, and have just submitted my applications to medical school! Continue reading

ABC Doesn’t Work

A Better Way to Prioritize

Ok, so it works for spelling. The whole alphabet thing actually works just fine for…you know…words and things.

But where “A, B, C” doesn’t work is for prioritization. One common thing to prioritize is your workload. Specifically your to-do list. Most people learn that A B C (or 1 2 3, or High Medium Low) prioritization is a way to work through important tasks, a quick way of deciding in what order to do things.

A Better Way to Prioritize

In my 20+ years in the productivity training industry, I’ve learned that the only thing that works with regard to prioritization is ordering by due date. The dates are usually arbitrary, assigned by you with no particular association to that date except for the fact that it’s the date you’d like to have that item completed. Continue reading