dealing with setbacks

From Setback to Comeback: Here’s How to Do It!

Why Setbacks Hurt

dealing with a setback

1. The ideal didn’t materialize

When we embark on a new undertaking, we visualize the ideal outcome. These expectations often turn out to be misplaced. People we deal with are unpredictable, or we may not be as disciplined as we thought we were when we started. This disillusionment can be really discouraging. In one way or the other, every time you have a setback you say this to yourself: “My life isn’t what I’d hoped it would be, and that sucks!”

2. Self-doubt creeps in

Even the most confident of people experience self-doubt after a setback. We are not machines, we wonder if the path we are following is worth all the effort. You wonder if life would be easier if you just quit.

3. Helplessness becomes you

The worst part of any setback is the helplessness you feel. You want to have things under control. Having everything fit nice and tidy in your life gives you confidence. Having setbacks takes that away from you.

4. Self-pity is crushing you

Right now, when you are disappointed, self-pity is your worst enemy. The weird thing about self-pity is that it is masochist in nature. You are actually, proactively, engaging in something that make you feel bad.

In other words, don’t expect to always be great. Disappointments, failures and setbacks are a normal part of the lifecycle of a unit or a company and what the leader has to do is constantly be up and say ‘we have a problem, let’s go and get it’.  – Colin Powell

Here’s How to Come Back Stronger from Setbacks

how to be stronger

1. Avoid ‘the shock’ by staying ahead of the game

Gilbert Brim once said: “sometimes we don’t know we are losing until the very end.” I love the Dutch culture where they tell it to you as it is, straightforward, no beating around the bush. Having lived in three different continents, I can confidently say that not many cultures share this characteristic. That is why there is a reluctance to deliver bad news.

I admire the courageous person who comes up to me and tells me frankly that my ship is about to sink. If you do not have that kind of people around you (and even if you do), try evaluating the situation yourself. If all of a sudden you are not being invited to the meeting, your partner is hiding information from you, or your best friend is avoiding you; you need to know – as Donald Trump put it- “what the hell is going on!”. In doing so, you can stay ahead of the situation that is about to explode in your face and avoid the shock. It’s the punches that we don’t see coming that knock us out!

2. Don’t be too hard on yourself

You have probably seen the image below before. Take a minute and really have a look at it again. Forget everything else. You have everything it takes to do what these people did: mount an insane comeback. The best part is that you already know that.

failures

3. Don’t blame, just learn

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.  – Henry Ford

Take responsibility for your part of the failure but do not go overboard by blaming yourself. Life is unfair, perhaps someone treated you unfairly. Get over it so that it does not consume you. If you stay positive, you do not lose in life; you just learn and get stronger.

(a)  Be open to feed back

There is nothing more powerful in your step forward towards learning and recovering than good feedback.  Getting feedback from people directly involved in the situation will help you asses and analyse what went wrong and how to avoid the same in the future.

(b)  Learn about your alternatives

Many a time we condition ourselves into believing that our set of skills and experience confine us to do certain jobs and that’s it. We fail to see the enormous opportunities that are out there that may have nothing to do with the way we define ourselves. If you find something you love, you should go for it. At times of crises when you have nothing to lose, having a go is so uplifting.

(c)   Learn new skills

Become better than yesterday when the setback happened. Learning a new skill not only enhances who you are, but it also builds your confidence back by giving you a sense of achievement.

The skills you acquire can always be effectively redeployed. You will look back on setbacks and be grateful for the catalyst that came not a moment too soon. – Tom Freston

4. Don’t be in a rush to bounce back

One of the greatest misconceptions today is that strong people bounce back from setbacks instantaneously. Now it’s true that you should not dwell over spilt milk but it does not mean you should rush things. There is a difference between a quick recovery and a hurried recovery process. Enjoy the many blessings in life while you plan your next move. Trust me, you are better off than jumping straight back into a vicious circle.

5. Redefine what makes you happy

If you really sit down and count how many wonderful things are in your life, you realize that you do not actually need to get everything you set out for. I am by no means saying that you should not be disappointed when you don’t succeed in your endeavour. Of course you should. You put your blood, sweat, and tears into it. But remember, happiness has nothing to do with winning or losing. Look around you and be thankful of what you have already. This will make you even stronger on your way back to recovery. Find gratitude in the present moment because as someone once said “life is what‘s happening to you while you are busy making other plans”.

Final Note

We all hit that bump in the road sometimes. Hell, sometimes the setback feels more like a brick wall. Make your recovery a fantastic journey by following the advice mentioned in this article. Do not spin out of control; do not despair! Grab a hold of that wheel and steer yourself straight!


Source:

Brainy Quote Setbacks
Coming Back From a Setback
Developing Resilience: How to Bounce Back From Setbacks
5 Tips to Overcome a Major Setback
7 Ways to Bounce Back from Life’s Inevitable Setbacks
How to Deal with Setbacks
Stress relief

Why Minimizing Your Life Could Be the Answer to Your Stress

Stress is something we encounter every day, from work obligations to family requirements, and everything in between. Americans, however, experience more stress than is healthy — and they may not be doing much about it.

Even though Americans’ stress levels are starting to decrease overall from previous years, there are still 42 percent of people who aren’t taking the time to keep their stress in check.

Ways to Lower Your Stress Levels

What can you do to manage stress? The kneejerk reaction is often to make more money, do more and be more.

In truth, however, eliminating elements from your life will provide you with the clarity, space and time you so desire. The answer to your stress problems is available through minimizing different aspects of your life.

Here are three ways to start de-cluttering and cleansing your world:

1- Forget Storing, Embrace Purging

Don’t spend any more of your time or money on storage systems. It’s not that the perfect containment system for all your stuff eludes you — it’s simply that you have too many belongings.

With possessions comes responsibility — and stress. If you don’t have heaps of belongings to worry about and take care of, you will spare yourself that time and energy of trying to keep track of it all.

Additionally, when you are selective about the items you keep, only the useful and meaningful items will remain. This will actually save you time in the long run, as you won’t have to go searching for items amongst all your unwanted clothing, housewares and possessions. You’ll have a very clear mental catalog of what you held onto.

If you need a little added motivation, look at the bestselling book, “Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing Book” by Japanese cleaning consultant, Marie Kondo. It details how to begin bringing minimalism into your home by sorting through what’s there.

Once you’re done culling, you can donate your unwanted belongings to various charities including Goodwill or the Salvation Army.Bigger Isn’t Better

2- Bigger Isn’t Better

Somehow the American Dream got caught up in the notion that bigger is better, especially with homes. Coming in second only to Australia, US homeowners have the largest average house size in the world — with a footprint of over 2,000 square feet.

With each square foot comes a higher price tag, meaning higher mortgage payments, property taxes and debt. Not only that, but monthly costs, such as utility bills, also go up since there is more space that needs to be supplied with power, water and heating/cooling.

In an effort to avoid these costs, people are opting for smaller homes. Some folks are even moving into tiny homes — less than 500 square feet. Some are traditional structures, and some are less traditional ones including buses, campers and shipping containers.

Each tiny living space allows the occupant to be free of crushing living expenses and money woes each month. All overhead costs decrease when living in a tiny house.

Tiny homes also discourage hoarding or excess accumulation of food and household products. With the limited amount of space available, only choice items can be housed. This empowers residents to invest in high-quality possessions. These pieces will last longer and will be more likely to be treasured possessions rather than a conglomeration of so-so items.

3- Go Paperless & Online

Papers have a way of stacking up on countertops, office desks and by the front door. The time and energy required to open, read, deal with and then file the paperwork could be better spent.

Opting to go paperless via online billing and banking reallocates that time for other, more fulfilling tasks. It will also eliminate physical clutter and allow for more accurate and efficient bookkeeping.

We’re all busy people, juggling a multitude of tasks and expectations. If meaningful efficiencies can be found in our day-to-day lives, we’ll be better able to spend our precious time with who and what we love.

Practicing simplicity and minimalism isn’t about depriving yourself. Rather, it’s about making the very most of what you have — and eliminating stress in the process.


Jennifer Landis is a tea-drinking, yoga loving, clean eating blogger, writer, wife, and mother. You can find more from Jennifer at her blog, Mindfulness Mama.

how to be productive

4 Tips on How to Make the Most of Your Day

Not everyone has the same opportunities in life. Some people come from wealthier families, some have better conditions or education and some people are born into cultures which give them the edge on the competition. The only thing in life that is consistent, is the amount of time we have. Everyone has the same amount of time, 24 hours, and the way in which you choose to use those 24 hours will determine your results.

Multiple professional speakers and high-achievers talk about the 5am club because they know the power of waking up early and fully using the day. This is what my episode is about, how to make better use of the 24 hours you have.

The 4 tips are very simple:

  1. Plan your day. This is important because with 10 minutes of planning you are able to save 1 hour of execution. Imagine planning 1 hour per week, that would result in 6 hours of execution time saved. Saved, for a rainy day, or a day where you want to write that book you have been putting off for years.

To see the other 3 tips you’ll need to watch the video 😉

Enjoy, and please check out my website or YouTube channel for more information.

Cheers

 

whole world in her hand - live your life

A Life Coach’s Guide to Living by Choice not by Chance

Each day we make choices that influence our pace and quality of life, and many of these are unconscious. While it’s a good thing we don’t have to think about every little choice we make, when it comes to creating a whole, fulfilled, balance between work-related activities and the rest-of-our-life activities… it’s a good idea to wake up and smell the proverbial coffee. Otherwise, we can find ourselves living with the effect of our choices such as feeling overwhelmed, stressed, unhealthy, or out of control.

making choices

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”-Nelson Mandela

This is not about right or wrong, good or bad. I believe there are no mistakes, simply lessons learned. Living by choice, not by chance requires us to take responsibility for our own life. We get to choose if our experiences will be a sentence, paragraph, page or a chapter(s) in our life’s story.

So let’s get started…shall we?

blackline

Do the following calculation:

  • Subtract your current age from 90
  • Add two zeros to the answer
  • Divide that number in two

*This is roughly how many weeks you have left on this Earth, assuming you live to a very ripe old age.

If you smoke and don’t look after yourself properly, subtract 1,200 weeks.

It’s time to live by choice, not by chance. Here’s how:

LET GO: Release those people, places and things that no longer serve you. You have the power to forgive an apology you never received, past hurts that keep you resentful, and folks that drain your energy. Let go. Start anew.

CHECKLIST of things to let go:

  • Toxicity
  • Clutter
  • Blocks
  • Negativity
  • Comparison
  • Need to Please
  • Distractions
  • Old Belief System
  • Anger/Resentment
  • Ego

QUESTION: If not now, when?

ACTION: Let go of something that no longer serves you Continue reading

Man stressed out

What If I Told You Stress Is a Choice? Backed by Science

What if stress was a choice?

In this day and age, I would argue that for most of us stress is a choice most of the time. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying it is a choice that is easy to make. Nor will many of us even know that and how they could choose differently. Stress, after all, is an automatic response of our body. Let me explain what I mean.

What is stress?

Stress is a physiological response of your body to react to a life or death situation. It is also often and very descriptively referred to as the “fight or flight” response.

Let’s say you are in a situation where your life is in imminent danger – a sabre-toothed tiger looking for a meal. What will happen is that your sympathetic nervous system kicks into action brewing up a biochemical cocktail to let your body know to get ready to either fight or flee. Your heart beat speeds up, your breathing becomes fast and shallow, and oxygen is being pumped into the muscles to get you ready. Other physical functions (digestion or repair) are not needed to get you out of that situation and so your body slows those functions down or stops them altogether. You don’t want to waste resources while your life needs saving. Continue reading

Body Positivity

A New Take on Body Positivity: When You Know You Are Enough & Still Want 6 Pack Abs

Last week, I was brushing my teeth, happily staring at my naked body in my full length 3 door closet mirrors that spreads across the whole wall of our bathroom, chatting with my hubby, who’s on a mission to run an 80 km (YES 80!!!! That’s NOT a typo!!!!) Ultramarathon this year.

My hubby also does not look like your typical, super lean runner.

He actually looks like a sexy (to me!) mountain man – stocky, thick and well, has what society is calling “Dadbod” (if you don’t know what that is, google it) 😉

My hubby is also an amazing runner, already completing impressive times for previous 50 km ultra marathons (ok, and the fact that he even runs and completes ultra marathons is amazing enough!!!)

My hubby also HATES weight training.

He says to me, “I am going to need to clean up my nutrition to lose some weight so I can perform better”.

Me: Sure if that’s what you want to do, hon. I’ll support you.

You see, my hubby has a “normal” relationship with food- he doesn’t ever worry about eating the “wrong” kinds of foods and if he overeats, he doesn’t beat himself up. He rarely has food hangovers if he over does it on sugar. He sometimes craves chocolate when he’s stressed, but it’s not a huge issue. Overall, he’s has a pretty nutritious diet. Continue reading