Judgements. Anger. Attached outcomes. Wanting to have control. Can you relate?
This is NOT your typical “happy new year” Jan 1st post.
But this is a post that is about my raw, authentic and vulnerable experience I am having RIGHT HERE.
I intentionally and consciously made a decision to not go out and party on New Years eve- something I very much love love love to do- those of you who know me well, know I am an extreme extrovert.
But this New Year’s Eve, my soul was craving for me to turn inward, introspect, and reflect. Connect with self in silence and just BE.
In truth, I’ve been feeling blocked in my heart on the last few days, feeling heavy and down.
Yes, me- this lady “who always looks happy” has Down days too. And I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so disconnected from myself. Even meditating was not working.
As I have been spending quite a bit of time with my brother, I realize that him, my mom and my dad, although I love then very much, are the 3 people In the world that trigger me the most into frustration, anger, irritation and immediate judgement. And that happened yesterday with my brother- so in the moment after I had a negative reaction, instead of continuing the anger wall to be there- I took a few moments to breathe and owned my reaction. He did and said nothing wrong and I reacted in a way that was not reasonable, given the context. This helped transform our conversation into an empowering one for both of us.
And I realize I’m triggered because I’ve done all this self work and I am in the self help biz, so they are not at the same depth of emotional, mental and spiritual self awareness, i get frustrated, I’m attached to outcomes of how I want them to respond to me. I love deep conversations and my family can’t go there. My dad shuts down with any emotional talk and my mom gets confused. My brother is open and evolving, which makes me realize I get triggered less intensely by him. I am judging them.
And I decided that for 2018 I will be releasing my attached outcomes of how I want them to be, and just surrender, accept and love them. My parents are not willing to raise their awareness, and although it’s my wish, it’s not theirs. I choose to respect this.
For 2018, I am focusing on mastering unattachment to outcomes- because this shows up in all areas of my life- family, parenting, work, and I end up spending unnecessary emotional and mental energy in this space.
UNLEASHING YOUR INNER WONDER WOMAN is a state of BEING.
No matter how “sophisticated” you are in your level of self awareness, there is always room to evolve. Me included.
Just because I have a Masters in Marital and family therapy, all these certifications in various coaching and holistic health areas, registered as a psychologist and have empowered hundreds of people over my 11 year career, it doesn’t mean I am free of challenges in my life!
I use to be afraid of people judging me, fear that “I should be and know better” because I am a coach/ psychologist.
And I dare say many coaches and psychologists do NOT have the guts to admit that they too struggle.
We walk around the world pretending we are good, happy and we have our shit together.
But for what?! For preserving SELF IMAGE- caring TOO MUCH about what others think and fearing rejection and judgement.
I’d much rather be F*CKING AUTHENTIC, show my vulnerability so that you know even professionals like me have shitty days too – AND IT’S OK. It’s NORMAL.
So next time you are having a shitty moment or day, know that it’s ok. Just breathe. See this moment as a GIFT- it is teaching you something about yourself, your relationships, your life if you choose to see it as a lesson you need to learn. ❤️
From this place, anger, irritation, frustration transforms to love, compassion, forgiveness, understanding and peace. I know this first hand 🙏🏼❤️
May your 2018 be one filled with showing up, even when you experience discomfort. ❤️This is what TRULY UNLEASHING YOUR INNER WONDER WOMAN is all about.