I just recently took a 5-day personal development course put on by Creators Code, called “The Launch” on June 1st. It transformed me to another chapter in my journey called ‘life’. This was no ordinary personal development course. It is an experiential course that was 10-12 hours each day and we dived in deep! This course really inspired me to write this post.
I am Like You So Listen
I am here today blogging not as a psychologist but rather as just me- Rosalyn. I am not wearing my therapist hat, the wife, mom, sister, or daughter hat, I am here just like you, a regular human being. I see myself first as a human and my other roles as secondary. And what I learned from this personal development course is that sometimes who I am as a therapist hijacks my ability to be human. Although I show up authentically real with my clients: supporting, loving, direct (I call bullshit when I see it), I also have parts of me that I don’t show, because it isn’t appropriate or professional. No one wants to see their therapist have a meltdown, right?
So my point is that sometimes I fear that people will be shocked when I express the range of human experiences in my personal life because “I’m a therapist and I should know better”. But guess what? I sometimes get angry and scream at my kids. Sometimes I play small because I don’t want to seem like I am bragging or being too much. Other times I have moments of self-consciousness about my body, sometimes I am guarded, sometimes I zone out on Facebook because I don’t want to deal with life. These all sound like familiar behaviors to some of you, right? Yeah, we all have tactics for showing up in the world as a way to emotionally protect ourselves.
Who You and I Really Are
My work is to help people come back into their wholeness and essence of who they were when they were born – which is pure love, light, and joy. I sometimes forget to do this for myself because I am so passionate about helping others. I forget about me, but during this course, I was able to reconnect with that little girl in me that remembers playfulness, silliness, coloring outside the lines, and being unapologetically me.
Can you imagine a world where we could all get back to being in our true essence? When we didn’t have to please anyone, play small so we don’t have to hurt others’ feelings, or toughen up because we don’t feel safe, disconnect from our heart because someone hurt it too many times. Imagine if we could speak the truth to one another without worrying about offending anyone. What about receiving feedback from others without feeling judged or offended?
I have this dream and I truly believe I’m on the path to contributing to it both professionally and personally. My dream and passion are to become a conscious loving human being and help others do the same. This entails being so aware not only of ourselves but also of those around us. Being conscious and collective where we love our neighbors and strangers. Showing up with kindness and compassion to ourselves and one another. Can you imagine the ripple effects this would create out in the world if people started to raise their level of self-love and loving presence to one another? There would eventually be less war, less violence, less bullying, less judgment, less shame, less abuse, less racism, less oppression, and less hate. Instead, there would be more peace, love, environmental awareness, and happiness, within ourselves and with those around us. There would be a sense of community.
So my whole point of this is to share with you how precious you are and to reflect on who you are when you aren’t wearing your different masks. This dream starts by learning to love yourself.
We were all once a young child, precious, perfect, and sweet. Who wouldn’t want to go back to before all the rules and experiences came along; before people started telling us how to behave or not to behave. When you get blamed, usually someone else allows themselves to judge what you did as bad and put that on you. Then we form a story that we are bad because we are told so. So go back to remembering who you are before all that happened. Most of us won’t be able to, but most of us can probably think of a little newborn baby and immediately we melt, we ooooh and ahhhhh, and we think this baby is perfect. Well, that baby still is the essence of you.
An Experiment for You to Try
I have an experiment for you to try to create a powerful and heartwarming experience:
The next time you are with a loved one, it could be your partner, a dear friend, sibling, your child (best if the child is 6 or older), or parent. Tell them that you’d like to try connecting with them in a way that you may not have done in a long time, and it involves touch and silence and a lot of heart.
I invite you to face that person, and hold each other’s hands; just look at each other in the eyes, keep eye contact, and just see if you can really see them. I realize it may feel awkward at first., so let the awkward feelings come up. Breathe; let the awkwardness pass and breathe some more. See if you can even match the rhythm of your breath together as you continue to look into each other’s eyes. Keep breathing so that your breath connects with your heart and then your belly as you continue to hold your gaze with each other.
Many people believe that our eyes are the windows to our soul.
So notice that this person that’s in front of you once was a child, precious, perfect, and sweet. Also, notice that this part of them still lives in them. Then notice your own experience in your body as you become aware of the other person’s preciousness as well as your own. In that very moment, appreciate this about the other person and in yourself. In that moment you do not have to please, play small, wall up, avoid, zone out, get defensive, or whatever you do to protect yourself from the world. You are just you being here having this experience; you are connected in your essence.
Check in with your body about what it’s like to be in your heart space, out of your head and into your heart. Notice what gets evoked in you from this experience – there is no right or wrong, just stay curious about it. Breathe in what feels good about this experience, and breathe out what doesn’t serve you. And when you’re ready, in your own way, come close together – whether you do that through a wink, squeezing each other’s hands, or giving a hug.
Now tell me how this experience was for each of you? I’d love to hear your feedback!
My wish for all of you is to come back into that essence of you so that you don’t have to mold yourself to the world, but rather the world adjusts to you. This is possible.
I just facilitated the above exercise to a group of people ranging from teen to adult, from student to entrepreneurs at a Soulfront event, and given that this exercise was ‘out of the ordinary’ with such a diverse group of people, I was not sure how this would come through. However, I took a risk anyway and received some beautiful feedback about how grateful people were for providing them an opportunity to connect with a stranger, acquaintance, and/or a friend. It goes to speak that no matter who we are, or what we do professionally, or what language we speak, or what culture we live in, or where we are at in life, making human connection through touch and eye contact is simply, the most universal thing each and every person can engage in and receive nourishment from.
Want to learn more about developing SELF-LOVE?
Rosalyn has an upcoming FREE WEBINAR: HOW TO ROCK YOUR BODY WITH LOVE
Rosalyn Fung is a Registered Psychologist & Founder of Holistic Body Love. She is a wellness speaker, consultant, mentor, writer & blogger. Roz specializes in Holistic Nutritional Psychology in which she empowers people in their relationship with food, body image, weight, as well as digestion, fatigue, immunity and mood.
Her approach is a combination of eating psychology, positive psychology, mindfulness, neuroscience, family systems and nutritional therapy. She’s the go-to person to help you understand how to feel normal around food, and break-free from body image and weight struggles.
Follow Rosalyn on Facebook at Rosalyn Fung Holistic Body Love-Psychologist